Tuesday, July 26, 2016

My Superhero Boyfriend

Author: ?
Availability: Free, Online/Broswer-Based
Format: Arcade Game
Genre: Superhero
Rating: Everyone

My Scores (Out of 5):

Writing: 0.5
Art: 2.5
Gameplay: 2
Romance: 0.005 (“Well, there is kissing in it...”)


Back when I was first debating the idea of giving these game reviews an official Romance score, I mentioned that my personal idea of romance probably involved Batman somehow. I actually wasn't kidding, so I recently decided to find out for sure if any superhero dating sims existed. Instead, I found this.

My Superhero Boyfriend has nothing to do with being rescued from certain death at the last minute by a good-looking guy with strong morals and a sharp wit. It has nothing to do with dangerous secrets coming between loved ones, the constant threat of being discovered, or the complexities of leading a double-life. It has nothing to do with the difficulties of keeping a date when one of you might be called away at any time, or shouldering the heavy burdens of a job where failure can mean that people die. No, it is none of these things.

What is it, then?

...You walk down a hall, dodging guys, until you reach the one guy at the end of the hall.

Okay, so it's not exactly the kind of game I was hoping for, but let's look at it for what it is:


The Writing

I almost gave this a zero, since there's no real story and no real characters. The “boyfriend” at the end of the hall could very easily be replaced with a ham sandwich. However, the game does at least try to pretend there's a reason for everything that's happening, so I had to concede half a point.

Seriously, though: awesome kissing somehow causes objects to fly into the air and try to hit you? Yes, I know the superhero genre is inherently a blank check for weirdness, but this hurts my brain. At least pretend it's telekinesis gone hay-wire, or something!

Also, there's a different guy at the end of every level, implying our main character changes boyfriends more often than she changes her clothes.

The Art

The graphic art is pretty decent. The obstacle-guys are apparently super-villains or something, given the costumes, and there's at least a little variety in how they look. The music, however, is an extremely short loop of annoying ear-kryptonite which strips the art score of its powers.

The Gameplay

Well, it's simple and easy enough: your character just walks forward, and you use the arrow keys to dodge the guys coming at you. If they hit you, you mash the space-bar in order to repel them with your laser-vision. Finally, you reach the end, and have to click a bunch of random objects. It's basically the kind of game you play when you just need to veg out for five minutes.


My Superhero Boyfriend...exists. The art is okay but with annoying music, the writing is virtually non-existent (and what's there is kind of stupid), and the game-play is mediocre casual-game fare. Worse things exist on the internet, and it's better than getting hit with a shovel.

Feel free to share your own thoughts in the comments. Personally, I'm off to go read some Lois & Clark fanfic and wonder why FNAF apparently got a dating-sim before the Justice League.

Yes, FNAF.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE INTERNE—vermind. See you next week: same GGR time, same GGR channel!

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