Thursday, July 6, 2017

Blind Date

Author: Unknown
Availability: Free, Online/Browser-Based
Genre: ...Romance, I guess?
Rating: Everyone

My Scores (Out of 5):

Writing: 2
Art: 2
Gameplay: 1
Romance: Pft...HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


The premise of Blind Date is very simple: choose a guy, choose a dress, then sit on the beach and stare at things for a while.  Ah, love!


The Writing

It's a little hard to rate the writing in this, since there really isn't much aside from the instructions.  At least the spelling is correct.  Hmm, I suppose I could point out the comma splice...  No.  You know what?  I can do better than this!  Here we go:

New Summary

Our story follows a mute heroine afflicted with deep psychosis.  The domineering voice in her head commands her to “spin the wheel of love”, which she envisions as a slot machine.  In this hallucination, the “wheel” controls her destiny, and yet she controls the wheel.  But, subconsciously, she must feel it is a dangerous thing, for she also sees an angel with an arrow trained on it, ready to shoot the machine at a moment's notice.

After settling on one of the only three guys she knows, two words reverberate through her mind: “Select Dress”.  She imagines a closet floating in the void, containing three outfits.  Again, the hosts of heaven stand ready to fire upon it, grinning madly, waiting...but for what?

At last, having chosen the forms of herself and her imaginary date, the woman, still seated comfortably on her living room sofa, has a vision of a beach with a moon-lit sky.  In this fantasy, there is no symbol of divinity to watch over her, for she herself has become divinity, able to command the moon and tides and to summon the dawn at will!  Only by impressing her intended with such power can she convince her own mind that she is worthy of a simple gesture of affection: a kiss.


The Writing

I was truly not expecting such a dark concept when I clicked on this, nor such an avant-garde method of story-telling.  There is no dialog except for the nameless woman's hallucinatory voice, which thus forces us into the perspective of this poor, isolated woman for whom the voice has become everything.  This piece is also bold enough to address the often tense relationship between religion and romantic desire, represented here by a smiling, innocent cherub who constantly keeps a weapon aimed at the symbols of this woman's progress towards finding a mate.  It's brilliant, though perhaps a bit depressing for my tastes.

The Art

The art style is flat and slightly cartoonish, belying the very dark subject matter while heightening the sense of unreality.  The woman's large head in the “real world” segments emphasizes the imaginary nature of her romance quest, and the five-second loops of cheery music in each level invite the player to join her in madness.

The Gameplay

The gameplay is deceptively simple though it gets difficult towards the end.  I lost many times before I realized I was supposed to click on one little star in the sky.  Even after supposedly “winning” the game, though, your efforts can still be ranked as a “bad date”, thus demonstrating how emotional imbalances can color our impressions of seemingly positive events.


Blind Date is a daring look at mental I cannot finish this sentence.  Blind Date a short, cheesy, point-and-click flash game, as inoffensive as it is pointless.  Worse games exist, and you'd better believe that better games exist.  I'd say it's one for the “I have nothing else to do” pile.

If you want a game that's actually a dark look inside someone's mind, I recommend Reverie.

I also recommend checking out the website for NAMI, which is an organization meant to help real people with actual mental problems.

In the meantime:  Comments!  Opinions!  Suggestions of stuff I should be reviewing!  Y'all know how it works, people. :)

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