Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Castle Chase

Author: Makio-Kuta and Racheal
Availability: Free, Download
Format: Dating Sim / RPG
Genre: Fantasy/Humor
Rating: PG
My Scores: (Writing:4, Art: 4, Gameplay: 6 5) out of 5

In Castle Chase, you are Princess Monica. Your future, as it has been planned for you, involves marrying some prince from another kingdom and becoming a queen. That doesn't strike you as appealing, so you duck out from your studies for the day with the intent of going on a date! The problem is, who with?


My reaction upon seeing the game's home page: Yikes, who let the dogs out? Ugh, the English on this page is worse than a five-year-old's. And what the heck? "Two hour contest"? Is that how long they spent making this thing? Aw man, this is going to suck....

My reaction upon actually playing the game: OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST GAME I'VE EVER PLAYED IN MY LIFE!!!

--The following review is brought to you by Esther D. Bum, with many apologies to Doug Walker.--

There's this princess, and she looks like a bizarre anime character, which would suck if this was a romance game, but it isn't really a romance game! It's a comedy!! And she meets this guy who looks a lot like a girl, which is amazing since all the girls look like guys anyway! But she only looks bizarre when she's talking, because the rest of the time, she's a cute 8-bit rpg character like from the 80s or 90s! I was an 8-bit rpg character once, but then I got eaten by a turtle! And the music is all midievally and stuff!! It's amazing!!!

So the princess wants to go on a date even though dating doesn't exist yet, and everyone is like "NO! STAY IN SCHOOL!" But she says "Screw you I'm the Princess! I'll do what I want!" And she walks around the castle looking for someone who wants to date her, because she doesn't know princesses are hot stuff, and every time she talks to somebody, plot happens! And sometimes the plots are sweet and sometimes they're hilarious, and sometimes they're sweet AND hilarious, like chocolate-covered clowns!!!

So she's walking and walking and then she walks some more, because the castle is really, really big, and it's just like Legend of Zelda except that she doesn't fight anything! Or smash any pots! So it's not like Zelda at all! And she finds these objects everywhere and she gives them to people to make more plot happen, but some of the objects are red herrings, and one of them actually IS a red herring! So she walks around and sometimes people follow her, and different things can happen based on what she did and who she talked to, and then she gets an ending and the game is like "Okay, You're Done!" HOORAY!

This is Esther D. Bum saying CHANGE? You got change?? Aw, c'mon, help a girl out!!!

Seriously, this game was a lot of fun once I figured out the keyboard commands. (X is inventory and S is use, by the way; or at least it is on my copy.) Also, this is the last time I shall attempt to rip off Doug Walker's "Bum Reviews".


  1. Yeah, I found that the controls were pretty hard to manage until you got the hang of them, and then I found the game to be awesome. Some of the endings are really funny, others confused me to no end, but overall, I agree with Esther. (And I watch the Nostalgia Critic so reading this made me laugh really hard. xD)

  2. Ah, I'm so glad. :) Trying to mimic that character turned out to be harder than I thought, and I was afraid of being met with confused stares. One thing for sure, it gave me a newfound respect for what Doug does for a living. *g*